Does it ever end? I know the answer to that. I just want to have complete control. Is that too much to ask? I don't even want to control the whole world. Not even the whole town I live in.
I just want to control my own little house. That's really all I ask. Is that so unreasonable?
So I ask myself, what price order? If I were as organized and in control as I imagine that I want to be, what exactly would that mean? What would my life look like if I were in "perfect order"? I mean, I have to find some way to justify the mess!! Right?
Do I want perfect order and no mess and a boring life? Or would I rather have SO many things to create, to rearrange, to fiddle with, to sell, and have the mess that comes with all this creativity?
Maybe I don't need perfection. Maybe perfection and the idea that I have to attain it is working against me. Maybe I need to make friends with chaos. Maybe chaos is an integral part of my process. Not total choas, but the chaos that comes out of creativity.
What if I embrace my chaos? Don't fight it, but dive into it. Enjoy it....
The more I think about this, the better it feels. I can learn to relax in my chaos. Let it feed me ideas and inspiration. Let go a little, and let the messes happen and be okay with them. Stop making judgments that messes and chaos are always a bad thing that needs to be cleaned up and put away.
I have found that I usually create more when my desk is a mess. There can be a turning loose, a setting free in allowing chaos to exist. Hmm...maybe that's one reason why I named my studio AmongTheRuins.